Straight From the Dome

The Shepherd

Let me be your sheep

I'll follow you wherever you go

Fragile and weak I am

Yet, Pure and Holy is what I wanna be

To attempt to walk this narrow path independent of Thee

Is to set myself up for an assured defeat

Let me be apart of the flock you feed

I'm hungry too

Don't let me die of starvation

... I NEED You

Valentine's Day

For the past couple of weeks, I've been pondering a lot of issues that surround Valentine's Day. I actually meant to post a message on Valentine's Day, but didn't have enough time to do so. But anyway, most often, on V-Day, many (especially those of us who are single) tend to yearn for attention, affection... love. For that single day, many are left depressed and melancholy because out of all the days in the year, on this day, they EXPECT to be shown some form of love.

This state of mind is so selfish and opens up the door of cupidity. Honestly, the most common form of love being expressed on V-Day is "eros". Eros is the love of pleasure. It's a selfish type of love. Most likely, the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about this form of love is "lust, sex...etc". But the fact is, eros is bigger than sex. It's actually a form of idolatry. This self-gratifying love is not the form of love that promotes spiritual growth. In fact, it's a hindrance on such. It's the type of love that feeds off feelings of lust and strong sensual passion. Meaningful relationships cannot be build off eros. Eros is based solely on circumstances and situation.

Clearly, we were made to love- to love one another, to love LOVE, in fact, because God is love. But what type of love is God? Is God eros? philia? storge? or agape love? I think it is safe to say without further explanation that God is not eros love. But what about the other three? Let's see:

Philia love is the love of friends. Well you can say, "Jesus considered those who followed His command as friends"(John 15:13-14). This is true. The Bible does read, "Greater love has no one than this...to lay down one's life for one's friends. However, Jesus' purpose for laying down His life on the cross was to save us sinners. No one in the world is worthy of the love shown by God. This undeserving love is something greater than a friendship love. This love is greater than parent-to-child love (storge). But like a mother's affection and a father's protection, that instinctual love is there. But it is SO much more than that.

To respond in love through difficult situations; to genuinely care or show concern for, regardless of the treatment you may receive in return; to love selflessly- this is AGAPE love. Like in Luke 6:35, the love you should have toward your enemies; a compassionate love. This is the love of God!!!!

So what form of love do you possess? What form do you think you should possess?

Leaving My Baggage Behind

I went to church today and the sermon was about forgiveness. Forgiveness, forgive, forgiven... as the different forms of the word orbited my mental, I begin to think about the emotions driven by forgiveness or lack thereof. The anger, the bitterness, the hatred, the hostility, all caused by the hurt, the harm, the abuse, the pain.

Sometimes it's hard to forgive, especially when your heart has been trampled over time after time, over and over again. Even if it has been trampled over only once, the resulting pain can be so laborious that your outlook on life can be completely altered. Deep hurt does not easily lend itself to forgiveness.

I once knew a young, naive girl who learned to love without fully understanding its meaning. It took her a long while, but she eventually entrusted someone with her most prized possession... her heart. She thought she had something special, but was too inexperienced to see that she didn't. Her faithfulness was taken for granted. The commonly accepted connection she shared with that someone became something she refused to continue. As a result, the connection later become a distance memory. She packed up her "things", put them in her suitcase and bounced up outta there!

No soon later, another opportunity to connect presented itself to her. This time would be different. This new someone begged and pleaded for her heart, yet she was unable to give it. So instead, she presented herself as a "strong, independent" woman. She appreciated the connection they had, but was too apprehensive to go too far. One thing lead to another, she ended up packing her "things", putting them in her suitcase and bouncing up outta there!

She couldn't take this any longer, but she was willing to cling TIGHT to the pieces of her broken heart. Until one day, a gentle Spirit spoke to her telling her to let it go. "Give your heart to me. I know what to do with it. Trust me," he said. Shaking her head in disbelief, she said, "Nah...man. I don't trust you". For years, He continued to speak those gentle words to her in His still small voice until she finally gave in.

The healing process slowly began. The anger, the bitterness, and the hatred was soon replaced with forgiveness and love. Everyday, she is re-energized because of the love she now receives. She finally put her heart in the right set of hands, leaving her suitcase at the foot of the cross.

It takes a lot of energy to hate someone. While you're spending all that energy hating that person, he or she is continuing to enjoying their life. It's like this, think of how many times we have lied to God and treated Him undeservingly. Yet, in spite of all the negative, evil, unGodly things we have done, He forgives us. So, let it go. Leave that baggage behind and give your heart to the Father.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matt. 11:28-30)

Do You Love Him?

Love, love, love. Such a STRONG word, yet it's used so freely. When I worked as a cashier, I would show my holiday spirit by giving the customers discounts on their items (legally, of course). In return, the customers would say, "thank you" or display great joy through smiles. Others, however, would say to me, "I love you". Clearly, I was aware these people were just a little bit too happy and used those "three words" to express their joy and gratitude. Has the word "love" been diluted to just a mere expression of one's feelings of delight after he or she has benefitted from another?

"Love" is too precious of a word to be used so lightly. "Love" is the quintessence of our existence. Without love, there is no you, no me. We do not exist. We are nothing. Check out this piece I wrote about an unsurpassable love:

INDISPENSABLE LOVE

By: Brina

Indispensible love

Real love

Sincere love

A love that satisfies my needs, wants, and desires – A fulfilling love

I searched for it

I searched the academic realm hoping to find love amongst the world’s top scholars

I even searched the basketball courts hoping to find love amongst the best ballers.

I searched my hood hoping to find love amongst the toughest thugs.

I search for love in my friendships and in the men I dated…I just want to be comforted

Still my love couldn’t be found

Indispensable love

I need you

Can’t live without you

Got’sta have you

A Love that sticks tighter to me than my baby phat jeans

Love as beautiful as a rose, stemming from a pure heart

Love as royal as a king, I honor you for eternity

A love as patient as a kindergarten teacher, he tolerates all my foolishness

A love as unselfish as a mothers’, He died for me

A love as protective and hopeful as a father’s, I am safe in his arms

Indispensable love

I need you

Can’t live without you

Got’sta have you

Diligently, I seek and prayed for my love to reveal Himself to me and like magic, He appeared in thin air

How perfect He is

All my fear is driven out by His love and I’m able to give Him the key to my heart.

Unlock me

Come into my heart and take my love to higher heights

Like two turtledoves, nothing can separate me from my love

Like treasure stored up in a secret place, He preserves and values me

“I was there the whole time, Sabrina,” He says to me

Indispensible love

I need you

Can’t live without you

Got’sta have you

As great of a lover he was to me, I took him for granted

“This is too good to be true,” I told myself

I became distracted, like a flood sin overtook me.

Like Hosea’s adulterous wife, I cheated on Him

I became impregnated with the worries of the world and looked elsewhere for fulfillment

Searching in familiar places faces...love, better yet, fulfillment couldn’t be found.

I became trapped in a vicious circle spiraling downward until I hit rock bottom

I was a mess

Beaten and shattered by my lovers, better yet, my fulfillers, my heart was cut and filled with indignation

I ran back to my first love and there he stood, like the father of the prodigal son, with arms wide-open waiting for me.

Like a book, He read my heart and forgave me

Indispensible love

I need you

Can’t live without you

Got’sta have you

There is no love greater than His.

I love him because he loved me first

He is Love

Christ- the love of my life

True love is not based on self-satisfaction. When you love someone, you can lose yourself. But when you love "the One", you gain life, eternally. There are many who claim to love Him and therefore, declare salvation. Well, if you love Him, how much time are you spending with Him?

Every Woman's Desire

Ever notice how a woman 's demeanor changes when she knows a man has interest in her? Her walk goes from a lazy strut to an attention-getting, hip-swinging dance to a rhythmic sound only their ears can hear. Her self-confidence blows through the roof. It gets to a point where you can't tell her anything. Her ego soon becomes WAY TOO BIG!!! Eventually, it bursts like a balloon, leaving her in pieces. When it's all said and done, she's left with nothing but scraps.

I was watching some ABC special about unmarried black women in the Atlanta area the other day. There were about four career-oriented women who were in their late 20's to early 30's. Financially, they were good to go. However, the four women claimed to be having a hard time landing their "right" man. It was a serious matter to them that they were single, without a man, alone. One of the women even admitted to lowering her standards in the past couple of years in hope to land her "Mr. Right". But toward the end of the special, there was one woman out of the four that made the most attention-getting declaration:

- "I'd like to be in a relationship or married, but I don't feel like that defines me. So if I don't find the perfect person for me, then I'll just remain single."

As a single woman, I myself have struggled with the thought of being thirty and single. Although I am not thirty yet, the thought of being thirty and without a family of my own was once appalling. Let's take a look at woman's relation to man from the Bible point of view:

- Woman was made from man to be a suitable helper. (Gen. 2:20-24)

God created man and woman to function as a cohesive unit. Man's job was to work and take care of the land. Woman was given the task of assisting her man in working the land.

And we all know what eventually happened: Adam and Eve ate the apple and both man and woman was cursed. Peep woman's curse:

- "...your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." (Gen. 3:16)

Hmmm. So ladies, it seems like our desire to secure a husband is something ordained by God. However, it does not mean this becomes the single most important thing in our lives. It means that God placed that desire inside of you. But, just like anything else we desire, we can become obsessive and this is where we get ourselves in trouble. Our desire for our husband should never be placed on the same pedestal as that of the Almighty. When the Lord stops being the center of attention in your life, then you know something isn't right.

For those of us who are single, do not be worried about landing "Mr. Right" (or "Mrs. Right" for the fellas). You know what Jesus said about worrying. If you don't, check out Matt. 6: 25-35. Enjoy life as a single individual living for Christ. As Paul said,

- "An unmarried woman... is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in the body and spirit. But the married woman is concerned about the affairs of the world- how she can please her husband." (1 Cor. 7:34)

Pouring Out Like Water

Ok, so like almost 9 months later...and I have not finished the book. Life's circumstances has caused me to grow as a woman of God minus the book. Now that I have graduated from grad school and have been home for a few months, I have had ample time to load my brain with Biblical knowledge and such. The question is, "Have I?" "Yeah" and "No" is the answer. Aside from the daily struggles of being a follower of Jesus Christ, I have been forced to witnessed God's faithfulness, firsthand. During the process, I have learned and am still learning a lot about this woman named "SABRINA". All this to say, I have been writing down thoughts like a mad woman. All these crazy thoughts and ideas have just been pouring out of me. So, instead of forcing myself to finish the book and ignore my urge to express myself, I chose to listen to what I have to say.

Throughout my life, there was only one person I could be real with. That person was Granny. I could think of the most ridiculous things to ask or say and Granny would always listen, never judging me. As I got older, something happened. I couldn't even tell you what it was. There was a time when I developed the attitude, "no one can be trusted ". So from there, every feeling or emotion felt was hidden, hidden so deep that I became apathetic. Nonchalant and laid back was the attitude I wore, not getting close to anyone or letting anyone get too close to me. I didn't want to care about you and I didn't want you to care about me.

Thank God I am not that selfish, slick talking, New York-attitude-carrying young lady that I used to be. God is transforming me, for real. As I allow His light to shine through me, my opaque nature is becoming transparent. For the first time in my life, I am being "FEARLESSLY REAL". Finally, being released from the bonds that once so easily entangled me, I'm pouring out my heart and running this race set out for me with perseverance. So watch me as I lace up my Nikes and speed through that track!

This Book

So, I started reading this book titled, "Becoming A Woman Who Pleases God," by Pat Ennis and Lisa Tatlock about two weeks ago.  I only read a few pages so far, and based on what I've read, I know this book is going to be addictive.  So I have to watch myself and make sure I'm not taking too much time away from my studies reading this.  Did I just say that?  I'm buggin'.  Life is MORE THAN just Georgia Tech.  But anyways, a dear friend gave this book to me as a graduation gift and I never got the chance to actually read it until now.  It's a crazy story, but last month, I begin to experience something that was oh so familiar, yet so foreign.  An experience or shall I say, feeling deep down inside of me that made me feel like I was floating on cloud 9.  It was someone who provoked that feeling inside of me.  Usually, it's my Father and First Love who stirs up feelings inside of me that keeps me "high".  But it wasn't Him this time, so I began to get worried.  I fought with this feeling for the whole month of February.  It was tough.  I wanted to do, say...something, but I kept asking, "God is this your will?"  If so, it shall be and I should not go on worrying.  So to help me deal with these "feelings" the CORRECT way, I turn to the scriptures and chose to use this book as a supplementary resource.  This is a time when I draw closer to God because I'm fearful of myself and what I may do without Him being central in my life.  Instead of being lead by emotions, I chose to be lead by God and a true woman of God seeks to please Him in everything she does.