Inconvenience

Have you eva prayed a prayer of inconvenience?

Like Stephen before laying in eternal rest prayed to the Lord not to count the sins against the Sanhedrin members who stoned him to death

Like Paul prayed for the Christians to grow spiritually and know God's will

While he suffered for proclaiming the gospel

Imprisoned

Behind bars of steel

How about praying like Jesus?

A "Not my will, but Yours be done" while dying for every sinner kinda prayer

A prayer that causes your body to collapse,

Your knees to shake,

Your face to tense up,

Oceans to form from your teary eyes,

Red seas to climb mountains from the blood you sweat

A "God do something great and I'm here if you need me" kinda prayer

A "Here I Am, Send Me" kinda prayer

See, it's too hard for us to fathom inconvenience because...

The world tells us to "Do you"

Whatever makes you happy

Whatever makes you feel good

Whatever makes you comfortable

Equals the right thing to do

"Follow your heart"

"Follow your feelings"

This jacked up mindset is the reason why:

50% (so they say) of marriages end in divorce

Why,

1 in 4 sexually active teens are infected with an STD every year

Why,

Nearly 1 million teenage girls become pregnant each year

This is why our boys like boys and our girls like girls

But they say us Gen Y folk are supposed to be more open-minded and demanding of change,

Similar to our African-American forefathers

But I say, nothing will change unless we welcome inconvenience

Without inconvenience, we do what we think we wanna do when its really not what we wanna do but what we hate to do

You feel me?

Do you understand that the only kingdom that will prevail in this world is the kingdom that is not of this world?

Welcomin' inconvenience is welcoming a magnet that creates a force field pushin' electrons through your mental membranes causing you to attract distant people who need inconvenience as well

This magnet attraction forces not your will, but the will of God to be done.

Regardless if you welcome Him or not,

There will be a time when you will witness inconvenience

Who is inconvenience?

The Holy Spirit, the believer's mind control

Straight From the Dome

I struggle with showin' too much affection

Will he think I like him if I randomly send him a text to see how he's doing?

Will she think I'm a lesbian because I care for her so much?

You don't know me that well and I don't know you like that

But I'm attracted to the God I see in you

He calls my name and pulls me close every time we converse

I gain so much energy

Redbull ain't got nothing on you

I see deeper into you than you know

Even more than I'd like to

When we depart, I lose kilowatts

This is too much work

My force multiplied by your distance gives you jewels

Precious stones that I can't afford to hand over

This is too much work

I'm fatigue

I struggle with high expectations

I expect a lot from myself

Therefore,

I expect a lot from you

You don't owe me anything and

"I owe you all I have" I tell myself

Becoming a gymnast

I bend over backwards and flip for you

You don't tell me to

I don't even tell myself to

But I put on your BIG shoes

Taking your footsteps

I subconsciously become you ...

in my mind,

I think your thoughts:

"I'd want Sabrina to do this for me.

Don't worry, she'll do it

She's a people-pleaser

She will do whatever you need her to do

She doesn't want you to struggle

Go 'head

Ask her to go out her way for you

She'll do that...

And some other things too

Last week I asked her to chauffeur me around

'Cause I don't have a car

Giirrrrllll, she didn't even ask for gas money

She's a pushover"

I ask myself, "Why am I this way?"

Like being invited to church only to find a bunch of hypocrites,

the answer is disappointing

This is too much work

I'm fatigue

I struggle with quiet pride

See, I'll go out of my way for you

But don't you dare try to do the same for me

I'll let my momma do it,

'Cause she's been doing it for years

Still, slowly but shortly,

I'm weaning off her breast milk

"I gotta become this strong, independent woman," I tell myself

I gotta learn how to do this thing...

Living by myself dependent on no one but God Almighty Himself

"But doesn't He work through the people around us?" I ask myself

"Answering your prayers, supplying your needs through His creation..."

I'm selfish...

That's why I struggle with quiet pride

Let others have the chance to give

The best feeling in the world is to see someone's face light up as they

Open a gift you have given them

Why continue to rob people of this joy?

I just don't wanna seem needy

So how do I change?

To The Extreme!!!!!!!

I'm sorry ya'll, but today, this blog will serve as my journal/diary. I feel the need to express some things that are weighing heavy on my heart. Striving to become a woman who pleases God is painstakingly difficult! One of the requirements include a lot of self-evaluation. I'm constantly forced to evaluate myself. It is not something that I choose to do anymore. It has definitely become something that MUST be done, especially for someone who structures and organizes information according to her FEELINGS! Oh God, sometimes I want to ask you why you made me this way??? It is EXTREMELY hard for me to make decisions against my heart. My heart and I are intertwined in a unique way. Although, in my mind, I totally understand logic and reasoning, beneficial and unrewarding, good and bad...etc., all my conclusions are reached based on my values. And my values stem from my adhesive heart. Clinging like singing ornaments on a Christmas tree, this personality trait can either beautify me or be just plain old ANNOYING!!!!!! Jeremiah says it best:

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" (Jeremiah 17:9-10)

My heart is schizophrenic. It has afforded me much joy in my 25 years of living. On the flip side, it has also enticed me along a path leading to unhappiness, forcing me to put a Masterlock around it, suppressing my arteries until nothingness was the only thing that flowed from my heart to my body. An attack on my heart was the cause of all of this. I was a DEAD person for a long time because of this. I don't wanna die again. But if I don't start understanding heart soon...

I'm just afraid to die again. The temptation is too near. It knocks on my heart's open door every time someone takes advantage of my kindness and love. That door has two options:

1) Stay open and be pure, welcoming the malignancy that enters and tries to taint the substances within or;

2) Close and KEEP EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE OUT!!!!!!

I don't want to die another death. I don't want to be an extremist anymore. I don't want the door to be wide open all the time. Add to my heart a screen door, so I can see who is at the door before they come in. Lord, my heart says of you, "Seek His face!" Your face Lord, I will seek (Psalm 27:8). My discerning heart seeks wisdom from You! Weigh my heart Lord with every decision/conclusion I make in my daily walk. Give me insight to draw out the purposes of my heart in relation to your Word. I'll continue striving to apply my heart to your teachings. But please relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish by protect my heart from malignancy, 'cause you know I am not able to guard it myself. I don't want to act in blind kindness anymore. Equip me with spiritual bifocals so I may see through the dichotomy between my feelings and appropriate actions. Keep my heart off lockdown, so I can continue to pour it out to You.

In Jesus' name... Amen.

He deserves to have a BIG Ego...'cause He is just that AMAZING!!!

While I was searching for techniques to help me come up with a prolific poem, I ran across some poetry. One poem I found is by Nikki Giovanni. Although I may need to go back to the history books to fully understand and appreciate the first part of the poem, I think her stimulative writing is out of this world! I had to post this! Made me think about how marvelous God is. A God that amazing deserves to have a BIG ego!!!!!!!!!

Ego Tripping (there may be a reason why)

By: Nikki Giovanni

I was born in the Congo

I walked to the fertile crescent and built

the sphinx

I designed a pyramid so tough that a star

that only glows every one hundred years falls

into the center giving divine perfect light

I am bad

I sat on the throne

drinking nectar with Allah

I got hot and sent an ice age to Europe

to cool my thirst

My oldest daughter is nefertiti

the tears from my birth pains

created the Nile

I am a beautiful woman

I gazed on the forest and burned

out the Sahara desert

with a packet of goat's meat

and a change of clothes

I crossed it in two hours

I am a gazelle so swift

so swift you can't catch me

For a birthday present when he was three

I gave my son Hannibal an elephant

He gave me Rome for mother's day

My strength flows ever on

My son Noah built new/ark and

I stood proudly at the helm

as we sailed on a soft summer day

I turned myself into myself and was

Jesus

men intone my loving name

All praises All praises

I am the one who would save

I sowed diamonds in my back yard

My bowels deliver uranium

the filings from my fingernails are

semi-precious jewels

On a trip north

I caught a cold and blew

My nose giving oil to the arab world

I am so hip even my errors are correct

I sailed west to reach east and had to round off

the earth as I went

The hair from my head thinned and gold was laid

across three continents

I am so perfect so divine so ethereal so surreal

I cannot be comprehended except by my permission

I mean...I...can fly

like a bird in the sky...

Straight From the Dome

The Shepherd

Let me be your sheep

I'll follow you wherever you go

Fragile and weak I am

Yet, Pure and Holy is what I wanna be

To attempt to walk this narrow path independent of Thee

Is to set myself up for an assured defeat

Let me be apart of the flock you feed

I'm hungry too

Don't let me die of starvation

... I NEED You

Valentine's Day

For the past couple of weeks, I've been pondering a lot of issues that surround Valentine's Day. I actually meant to post a message on Valentine's Day, but didn't have enough time to do so. But anyway, most often, on V-Day, many (especially those of us who are single) tend to yearn for attention, affection... love. For that single day, many are left depressed and melancholy because out of all the days in the year, on this day, they EXPECT to be shown some form of love.

This state of mind is so selfish and opens up the door of cupidity. Honestly, the most common form of love being expressed on V-Day is "eros". Eros is the love of pleasure. It's a selfish type of love. Most likely, the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about this form of love is "lust, sex...etc". But the fact is, eros is bigger than sex. It's actually a form of idolatry. This self-gratifying love is not the form of love that promotes spiritual growth. In fact, it's a hindrance on such. It's the type of love that feeds off feelings of lust and strong sensual passion. Meaningful relationships cannot be build off eros. Eros is based solely on circumstances and situation.

Clearly, we were made to love- to love one another, to love LOVE, in fact, because God is love. But what type of love is God? Is God eros? philia? storge? or agape love? I think it is safe to say without further explanation that God is not eros love. But what about the other three? Let's see:

Philia love is the love of friends. Well you can say, "Jesus considered those who followed His command as friends"(John 15:13-14). This is true. The Bible does read, "Greater love has no one than this...to lay down one's life for one's friends. However, Jesus' purpose for laying down His life on the cross was to save us sinners. No one in the world is worthy of the love shown by God. This undeserving love is something greater than a friendship love. This love is greater than parent-to-child love (storge). But like a mother's affection and a father's protection, that instinctual love is there. But it is SO much more than that.

To respond in love through difficult situations; to genuinely care or show concern for, regardless of the treatment you may receive in return; to love selflessly- this is AGAPE love. Like in Luke 6:35, the love you should have toward your enemies; a compassionate love. This is the love of God!!!!

So what form of love do you possess? What form do you think you should possess?

Leaving My Baggage Behind

I went to church today and the sermon was about forgiveness. Forgiveness, forgive, forgiven... as the different forms of the word orbited my mental, I begin to think about the emotions driven by forgiveness or lack thereof. The anger, the bitterness, the hatred, the hostility, all caused by the hurt, the harm, the abuse, the pain.

Sometimes it's hard to forgive, especially when your heart has been trampled over time after time, over and over again. Even if it has been trampled over only once, the resulting pain can be so laborious that your outlook on life can be completely altered. Deep hurt does not easily lend itself to forgiveness.

I once knew a young, naive girl who learned to love without fully understanding its meaning. It took her a long while, but she eventually entrusted someone with her most prized possession... her heart. She thought she had something special, but was too inexperienced to see that she didn't. Her faithfulness was taken for granted. The commonly accepted connection she shared with that someone became something she refused to continue. As a result, the connection later become a distance memory. She packed up her "things", put them in her suitcase and bounced up outta there!

No soon later, another opportunity to connect presented itself to her. This time would be different. This new someone begged and pleaded for her heart, yet she was unable to give it. So instead, she presented herself as a "strong, independent" woman. She appreciated the connection they had, but was too apprehensive to go too far. One thing lead to another, she ended up packing her "things", putting them in her suitcase and bouncing up outta there!

She couldn't take this any longer, but she was willing to cling TIGHT to the pieces of her broken heart. Until one day, a gentle Spirit spoke to her telling her to let it go. "Give your heart to me. I know what to do with it. Trust me," he said. Shaking her head in disbelief, she said, "Nah...man. I don't trust you". For years, He continued to speak those gentle words to her in His still small voice until she finally gave in.

The healing process slowly began. The anger, the bitterness, and the hatred was soon replaced with forgiveness and love. Everyday, she is re-energized because of the love she now receives. She finally put her heart in the right set of hands, leaving her suitcase at the foot of the cross.

It takes a lot of energy to hate someone. While you're spending all that energy hating that person, he or she is continuing to enjoying their life. It's like this, think of how many times we have lied to God and treated Him undeservingly. Yet, in spite of all the negative, evil, unGodly things we have done, He forgives us. So, let it go. Leave that baggage behind and give your heart to the Father.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matt. 11:28-30)

Do You Love Him?

Love, love, love. Such a STRONG word, yet it's used so freely. When I worked as a cashier, I would show my holiday spirit by giving the customers discounts on their items (legally, of course). In return, the customers would say, "thank you" or display great joy through smiles. Others, however, would say to me, "I love you". Clearly, I was aware these people were just a little bit too happy and used those "three words" to express their joy and gratitude. Has the word "love" been diluted to just a mere expression of one's feelings of delight after he or she has benefitted from another?

"Love" is too precious of a word to be used so lightly. "Love" is the quintessence of our existence. Without love, there is no you, no me. We do not exist. We are nothing. Check out this piece I wrote about an unsurpassable love:

INDISPENSABLE LOVE

By: Brina

Indispensible love

Real love

Sincere love

A love that satisfies my needs, wants, and desires – A fulfilling love

I searched for it

I searched the academic realm hoping to find love amongst the world’s top scholars

I even searched the basketball courts hoping to find love amongst the best ballers.

I searched my hood hoping to find love amongst the toughest thugs.

I search for love in my friendships and in the men I dated…I just want to be comforted

Still my love couldn’t be found

Indispensable love

I need you

Can’t live without you

Got’sta have you

A Love that sticks tighter to me than my baby phat jeans

Love as beautiful as a rose, stemming from a pure heart

Love as royal as a king, I honor you for eternity

A love as patient as a kindergarten teacher, he tolerates all my foolishness

A love as unselfish as a mothers’, He died for me

A love as protective and hopeful as a father’s, I am safe in his arms

Indispensable love

I need you

Can’t live without you

Got’sta have you

Diligently, I seek and prayed for my love to reveal Himself to me and like magic, He appeared in thin air

How perfect He is

All my fear is driven out by His love and I’m able to give Him the key to my heart.

Unlock me

Come into my heart and take my love to higher heights

Like two turtledoves, nothing can separate me from my love

Like treasure stored up in a secret place, He preserves and values me

“I was there the whole time, Sabrina,” He says to me

Indispensible love

I need you

Can’t live without you

Got’sta have you

As great of a lover he was to me, I took him for granted

“This is too good to be true,” I told myself

I became distracted, like a flood sin overtook me.

Like Hosea’s adulterous wife, I cheated on Him

I became impregnated with the worries of the world and looked elsewhere for fulfillment

Searching in familiar places faces...love, better yet, fulfillment couldn’t be found.

I became trapped in a vicious circle spiraling downward until I hit rock bottom

I was a mess

Beaten and shattered by my lovers, better yet, my fulfillers, my heart was cut and filled with indignation

I ran back to my first love and there he stood, like the father of the prodigal son, with arms wide-open waiting for me.

Like a book, He read my heart and forgave me

Indispensible love

I need you

Can’t live without you

Got’sta have you

There is no love greater than His.

I love him because he loved me first

He is Love

Christ- the love of my life

True love is not based on self-satisfaction. When you love someone, you can lose yourself. But when you love "the One", you gain life, eternally. There are many who claim to love Him and therefore, declare salvation. Well, if you love Him, how much time are you spending with Him?